Summer Scares Resources

Click here to immediately access the Summer Scares Resource page so that you can add some professionally vetted horror titles into your reading suggestions and fiction collections for all age levels.

Tuesday, October 20, 2026

31 Days of Horror: Day 20-- Why I Love Horror by Writer and School Librarian Jose Cruz

The children are reading horror in large numbers. The children have always read horror in large numbers, but the librarians are starting to note the checkouts rising. In fact, later this month I will have a post with more facts about this claim. 

As I wear my hat as on of the Co-Chairs of Summer Scares, I have also noticed more school and public libraries using the Summer Scares selections and programming guides to engage kids with horror all year long.

The increase is so noticeable, we have recruited two Middle Grade librarians to help us as we craft the programing guide for 2027. We have always had volunteers who work with an adults and teens, but for the Middle Grade programming ideas and planning, we have not had specific experts.

No longer. This year we welcome both a public library and a school library MG Horror expert to our Summer Scares Programming Guide team. 

But before we put them to work on the guide, I asked both to introduce themselves by sharing a Why I Love Horror essay with all of you.

Yesterday we heard from Maisie Iven. Today it is Jose Cruz:

Jose Cruz is an elementary school librarian and author based in southwest Florida. His scary chapter book, NIGHT LIGHT, is out now from Capstone Publishing. He is also the host of School Book Scare, a podcast dead-icated to the world of middle grade horror and the people who bring it to life, from authors to librarians and everyone in between. He is currently hard at work on his first middle grade novel and trying to convince the world that kids should be able to read the things that interest them. He has three kids, two cats, and one wife. 

I met Jose at StokerCon last June. He won the Scholarship from Hell which pays for an emerging writer to come to StokerCon. I was connected with Jose before we got to Pittsburgh because, as well as being a writer, he is also a school librarian.

I am so glad he applied and was chosen because the Libraries Committee has plans for him and Maisie. As I mentioned above we are excited to have them help enrich our programming offering for kids. More on that soon, but first, here is Jose on Why he loves horror...

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Why I Love Horror

by Jose Cruz


“Mr. Cruz, where do you keep the scary books?”


It’s a question I get at least once a week. Once answered, I watch as a horde of students swarm around four tall shelves with dark, foreboding signage. The words “SPOOKY” and “SCARY” proudly proclaim their spot in the elementary school library where I work. The signs display images of cuddly monsters, creaky houses, wailing ghosts, a pointed witch’s hat, and a mangy cat with its neck twisted at an unhealthy angle. 


If something inside of you kindled at the mention of any of those, you have already answered that perennial favorite, “Why do you love horror?” On its most primal level, the answer is simple and ever the same: it speaks to you. 


Our experiences may provide different shades to our reasoning, but we all operate from that one primary color. We see it, and it sends sparks through the cobwebbed corners of our brains. 


This was my experience from the days of toddlerhood, when it took nothing more than a pack of bats flying across a sated moon to set my blood tingling. Since then, I have acknowledged and nurtured this love with very few reservations. I like what I like, just like everyone else. 


And though my own history might prove to be an item of passing interest, my primary interest these days is seeing what I can do to acknowledge and nurture this same curiosity in the hearts of the kids I serve. 


It’s my contention that, at some point in time, horror draws in almost everyone. Even if only for the most fleeting of seasons or moments. At each end of the horror spectrum are what I call the “lifers” and the “toe dippers.” The terms are self-explanatory. I reside very comfortably in the “lifer” neighborhood. Horror is never far from my mind, and it always feels like home. 


On the other end are the “toe dippers.” These folks are the social drinkers, the ones who only imbibe when they trade a ghost story during a sleepover or brave a Halloween haunt arm-in-arm with a friend. Their interest in the scene lasts as long as it remains a point of conversation. But the interest is still there, and in my mind it should be satiated just as much as the ravenous hunger of the “lifer.” 


It is from this same spectrum that my students come to me seeking knowledge. I treat every question, request, and opportunity for reader’s advisory with the gravity that I believe it deserves. And while every section of my library receives as much care as the next, the scary section holds an obvious place in my heart.


This was the first area of the library that I “cross-pollinated.” Gone were the needless distinctions between fiction and nonfiction and the random segregation of formats. Here now was a one-stop shop that not only had picture books, chapter books, graphic novels, and story collections all rubbing shoulders, but one where the books on cryptids, the paranormal, and any other tangentially spooky subject previously relegated to Dewey Decimal Land were invited to share space with the strange bedfellows they deserved to be with. 


It was the kind of section I always dreamed of having as a kid. One of my first orders of business my first year as librarian was to make sure the kids at my school would get it.


If we as librarians create a section like this in our spaces, we help legitimatize the genre to our patrons. We assure them that it is worthy of our time and attention just as much as an interest in sports or animals. 


Granted, a “lifer” like me won’t bat an eye when a student comes seeking a book with “jump scares” in it—ah, youth—or wondering if I have a title that details real-life murders. This will be a challenge for those librarians closer to the “toe dipper” side, or those who fall off that side of the spectrum completely. 


While conversations about age- and school-appropriateness are a whole ‘nother kettle of fish, we must refrain from wrinkling our noses, shaking our heads, or giving any other social cue that implies our patrons are wrong for liking these kinds of things. Books are, after all, perhaps the safest outlet through which people can explore these topics, a fact sadly lost on too many politicians both now and before. 


Make them feel seen, make them feel safe. Better yet, have conversations with them. 


“Mr. Cruz, what’s the scariest book you have?”


“Well, the things you and I think are scary can be very different. Why don’t you tell me what kind of scary stuff you enjoy, and I’ll see if we have something close to that.” 


“Mr. Cruz, do you have any books with true crimes in them? Murders?”


“Well, I have a lot of books about haunted spots and spooky places, and people say they got that way because of the crimes that happened there. Would you like to see some of those?”


“Mr. Cruz, do you have any books about Backrooms or [INSERT CULTURAL ZEITGEIST HERE]?”


“I don’t think anyone’s written a book about that yet! But I’ll keep checking and add it to my shopping list if I find it.”


Specific questions like these may come from those who are more “lifer” than “toe-dipper,” but send one kid to the horror section and watch the feeding frenzy that grows from there. Regardless of the depth of their passion or interest, everyone wants a little thrill. A shock that they can be in control of. Like with humor, a chance to feel something outside the dreary sameness of simply being. In a word, an experience.


The landscape of school-age terrors is as rich and vibrant as it’s ever been. Now is the perfect time to start cultivating those macabre leanings in our youngest readers and provide a safe ride for those who just want to take the rollercoaster around once. As lovers and champions of the genre, it is in our vested interest to bring up these kids in a world where horror is accepted. Where they are accepted.


After all, I believe the children of the night are our future. 


Monday, October 19, 2026

31 Days of Horror: Day 19-- Why I Love Horror by Public Librarian Maisie Iven

The children are reading horror in large numbers. The children have always read horror in large numbers, but the librarians are starting to note the checkouts rising. In fact, later this month I will have a post with more facts about this claim. 

As I wear my hat as on of the Co-Chairs of Summer Scares, I have also noticed more school and public libraries using the Summer Scares selections and programming guides to engage kids with horror all year long.

The increase is so noticeable, we have recruited two Middle Grade librarians to help us as we craft the programing guide for 2027. We have always had volunteers who work with an adults and teens, but for the Middle Grade programming ideas and planning, we have not had specific experts.

No longer. This year we welcome both a public library and a School Library MG Horror expert to our Summer Scares Programming Guide team. 

But before we put them to work on the guide, I asked both to introduce themselves by sharing a Why I Love Horror essay with all of you.

First up today is Maisie Iven, the Nichols Library Children’s Services Manager for the Naperville [IL] Public Library. They are also a former member of the iREAD committee. iREAD is a sponsor for Summer Scares.

What I about Maisie's essay is they are able to connect their own experience with horror as a kid and through into adulthood with their kid patrons. We have Maisie's personal story and one specific kid they interact with at their public library.

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Why I Love Horror 

by Maisie Iven


It’s 8:03 pm on a school night and the children’s department of the library is mostly empty. This makes sense–most of our prime customers have early bed times, having to turn in before they turn into cranky monsters. 

But there is one little girl standing at the reference desk, she’s nine and wearing mismatched knee socks and an oversized Minecraft hoodie. “I need the scariest book you can find, stat,” she says.

“Hmmmmmm, how scary we talking? Bone chilling? Spine tingling? GROSS-GUSTING?” I ask. 

“So scary I can’t think straight.” 

And we’re off. I hand her piles of books, we talk about things she finds scary, things she doesn’t. We talk about what the last scary book she read was and why she thought it was scary. She tells me about how her parents want her to read more and they don’t care what, how her teacher read Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (Alvin Schwartz) for Halloween last year and she’d loved it, and then, so quiet I can barely hear, she says “I liked it because it made everything else feel less scary.”

It catches me for a second, because she’s nailed it, she’s gotten exactly to the core of what horror has always meant to me. 


I think like a lot of kids, my default emotion as a child was fear. I was scared of strangers. I was scared of tests. I was scared my mom–a single parent after my dad passed away–would be in a horrifying house fire and die, leaving my brother and I as displaced as orphans (à la  Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events) to be passed around to various eccentric relatives and wayward guardians. 


I crafted elaborate rituals to ensure that she was fine. If I paused reading for the night with a paragraph left in a chapter, she wouldn’t die in her sleep. If I avoided stepping on the black tiles at school, and only stepped on the blue, she wouldn’t be in a car accident. If I avoided using the bathroom during class hours, nothing bad could happen to her while I was at school that day. My worries gnawed at me all day long, making it hard to let myself just be a kid. 


Maybe it’s important to know that most people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder will spend years dealing with a brain designed to loop fears and worries in twisted cycle after cycle before being diagnosed. When I was small, these fears mostly had to do with various people in my life dying in strange and unsettling ways, usually gleaned from whatever fragment of a news story I’d encountered. (Don’t get me started on the anthrax attacks of the early 2000s). 


While mine was an extreme case, it’s rare to encounter kids who don’t have some deep core nightmares.


After all, we come into this world without a guidebook and with so many new things to learn about, many of which can be deeply frightening. Emergency sirens aren’t designed for sensitive kid ears. All foods are new at some point. Strangers–good and bad–abound. Learning to navigate all of that can be overwhelming and anxiety producing. I often find myself thinking that childhood is the home of horror.


And in the same way, horror is also the home of childhood. It’s where we all come from, and as we learn more, we forget how scared we were and recontextualize it as learning. I can promise you, the rose-colored glasses we think about childhood with are something we get when we’re older.  When we’re young, we know it’s overwhelming, and frightening, and everything feels awful. 


But something being fine in hindsight and something being horrifying in the moment are two things that can, and must, exist at once. 


When it comes to treating OCD, the number one skill you have to learn is sitting with discomfort, holding worries and fears within while you do the scary thing anyway. It often feels like the hardest thing in the world. But the thing that made it bearable, the thing that let me put aside my fears for just a little while, was horror. 


This might seem counterintuitive. I was worried about my mom dying so I read books where kids encountered vampire guidance counselors (Debbie Dadey’s Dracula Doesn’t Drink Lemonade), ghosts haunting their stepsisters (Wait Till Helen Comes by Mary Downing Hahn), and even monstrous librarians running the summer reading program (RL Stine’s The Girl Who Cried Monsters). But it did help, and it taught me two very important things. 


All my myriad fears were ultimately less fraught and awful than what the protagonists of my favorite books might face. Sure, I may have bestowed myself with the responsibility of keeping my family alive at age 8, but I wasn’t also dealing with a vampire rabbit (James and Deborah Howe’s Bunnicula). Some of these books were so scary that they did, just as my future Minecraft-clad patron would one day tell me, make everything else less scary.


But the other lesson, which was far more important, was that there was always something to do, always something to try. 


While adult horror might stray into the bleak and defeated (and some of my favorite horror novels and films do), horror for children tells you while there ARE monsters, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck. While fantasy might resolve with the noble protagonist dethroning the evil king and slaying the hungry dragon, horror can often be bleaker, darker, which feels in many ways far more honest. Sometimes the monsters win, sometimes they lose, but either way, you will try your best. 


Since becoming a librarian, I have used horror as a spark point to have deep discussions about race in North America with a group of teen boys (thank you, The Diviners by Libba Bray and The Marrow Thieves by Cherie Dimaline), helped a middle school girl find books that would actually keep her interest (snaps to Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson and Clown in a Cornfield by Adam Cesare), and helped a woman find books to binge read to distract her from the discomfort of chemotherapy (the perfect excuse for Stephen Graham Jones’ extensive back catalog). But the moments that have stuck with me closest are the times I’ve helped our youngest customers find those titles that tell them that fear is not insurmountable, suffering is not the end, and that you will face monsters, but you will rise to the challenge. 


We live in a world in which children die of brain tumors, genocides, and school shootings. We ask young people to swallow hard truths and face threats that would overwhelm adults. And we ask them to do all this while also learning how to do math, how friendships work, and how to eat vegetables even if you think they’re smelly. Of course kids love horror, didn’t you love your childhood home? 


It’s 8:34pm on a school night, and we finish checking out the stack of books. 


“Can I come back and tell you if they were scary enough?” the girl in the Minecraft hoodie asks, her pile of titles tall and precarious. 


“Absolutely, and if they’re not, we’ll find something scarier.” 


“Perfect,” she laughs. 


And it is perfect, the scariest things in life usually are. 


And because I’m a librarian and can’t stop myself from giving recommendations, I got permission to share Minecraft hoodie’s top ten best scary books she’s read, and they are below: 

  1. Small Spaces by Katherine Arden
  2. Scary Stories for Young Foxes by Christian McKay Heidecker
  3. Fake Blood by Whitney Gardner 
  4. Scritch Scratch by Lindsay Currie
  5. Spirit Hunters by Ellen Oh
  6. The Ghost Book by Remy Lai
  7. The Jumbies by Tracie Baptise 
  8. The Bellwoods Game by Celia Krampien
  9. It Found Us also by Lindsay Currie (can you tell who her favorite author is?)
  10. Tunnel of Bones by VE Schwab

She comes into the library at least once a week to plow through another stack of books. Recently, she’s graduated up to YA titles, and I’m excited to hear what else she’s been reading. 

Sunday, October 18, 2026

31 Days of Horror: Day 18-- Weekly Links Roundup

Every Sunday during 31 Days of Horror, I will have links that I have gathered throughout the week to share here.  

Saturday, October 17, 2026

31 Days of Horror: Day 17-- Why I Love Horror with Greg Greene

Today and yesterday, I am featuring two people who, while not horror writers with books you can add to your collections, are instrumental in our community. They both do a lot of work to support the horror world, but most importantly, they both stepped up last year to co-manage the StokerCon virtual programming. And the result...it was amazing, the best we have ever had. 


I wanted to invite them here to the blog this year because their personal Why I Love Horror stories are important. The fact that they spend so much of their free time working with and supporting the horror community is important. Sharing why horror means so much to them personally is also instructive to all of you, the library workers who work with horror readers. Understanding why 

 Yesterday I featured Robb Olson here. But today it is Greg Greene's turn:
Greg Greene lives in Nashville where he obsesses over horror film & fiction. He's a Fangoria contributor, host of the podcast Chthonica, and proprietor of threadsofdread.com, a shop of celebratory artifacts (ahem, merch) dedicated to horror authors, including Stephen Graham Jones, Paul Tremblay, Daniel Kraus, and Laird Barron. You can find Greg on Bluesky, Instagram, and Threads at @igreggreene, and at facebook.com/greg.greene. His new literary magazine, Rough Beast, launches this fall, featuring flash fiction, poems, cartoons, and commentary by contemporary legends of horror & weird lit. More information at roughbeastmag.com.
I met Greg when he made his first horror t-shirt-- Jade Daniels is my Final Girl. He got it ready just in time for the release of the second book in Stephen Graham Jones' Indian Lake Trilogy, Don't Fear the Reaper. He reached out to me to wear the shirt (along with SGJ) for the B&N virtual event for that book's launch. Click through on the link for video proof that it did happen!

Greg and I not only stayed in touch, but since my young kid goes to school in Nashville, we have been able to hang out and become friends. Like Robb he is an amazing human first and one of the genre's biggest cheerleaders second. Our collaboration on the Ask Me Why I Love Horror T-shirt has been amazing. And now, Greg is venturing into the horror publishing sphere with his new literary magazine (linked above in bio). I for one will be subscribing. More on that soon.

Thank you to Greg for all you do to support horror and for sharing your personal Why I Love Horror story with everyone here today. It starts with a cheerleader (fitting I think) and ends with viscera.  Love it!

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Why I Love Horror
by Greg Greene

My friend Judith was an NFL cheerleader for a season. Exciting, no doubt, but it came with strings: she couldn’t be seen in public sans makeup, had to dress sharp at all times, and fast food was verboten. I asked what she missed most while on duty. “Coca Cola,” she said, then leaned in and whispered, “I like the burn.”

* * *

Before asking Why horror?, let’s start with Why tragedy? 

From Medea to King Lear to Death of a Salesman, tragic narratives have a grip on us, always have. My theory is that seeing a protagonist laid low by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune lets us re-experience - at a safe distance - our own misfortunes. Tragedies, conveyed in the media of theater, film, and oration, are a communal form of psychotherapy, letting us retell the darkest parts of the human experience within circles of empathy, and so slowly ameliorate our anguished hearts. Horror provides much the same service, letting us re-experience shock, trauma, and fear - mostly rooted in the powerlessness of childhood - at arm’s length.

And it’s not limited to postmortem reflection. With horror, we initiate our tribe into a wider, scarier world. Tales of hunting told around the campfire. Fairy tales told by the hearth. We speak of the perils of going into the woods at night, the risk of hunting alone. Horror can be a warning, yes, a simple survival aid. But more profoundly, it’s a way to teach the village children not what to avoid but what to expect; that humanness is lived on a razor’s edge. Forces we don’t understand are arrayed against us. We can be here today and disappeared tomorrow - without a trace, and without a word of warning or parting.

Horror gives flesh to the unimaginable. The Walking Dead’s domination in ratings and popular conversation was a surprise - this was an abnormally violent, gruesome, and grim show for American audiences. The series premiered in 2010, the same year as “Snowmageddon,” the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and a Russian heat wave that killed 55,000 people. One wonders if we aren’t subconsciously preparing ourselves for the apocalypse.

Horror is valuable and beneficial. It soothes the searing wounds of trauma and provides framing and perspective for our most existential of fears. It is preparing us for the psychic shock of a climatological or societal collapse and the anarchy to follow, empowering more of us to survive. This genre, this narrative mode, offers a degree of utility missing from all others. Horror is good for the human race.

But is that what I love about horror? No, not really. 

I like the scares. The macabre. The sizzle and the scandal and the transgression. I like the viscera, I like the vivisection of souls, and the consequent welling up of courage in the face of abomination. It’s what my friend Judith said:

I like the burn.

Friday, October 16, 2026

31 Days of Horror: Day 16-- Why I Love Horror with Robb Olson

Today and tomorrow I am featuring two people who, while not horror writers with books you can add to your collections, are instrumental in our community. They both do a lot of work to support the horror world, but most importantly, they both stepped up last year to co-manage the StokerCon virtual programming. And the result...it was amazing, the best we have ever had. 

I wanted to invite them here to the blog this year because their personal Why I Love Horror stories are important. The fact that they spend so much of their free time working with and supporting the horror community is important. Sharing why horror means so much to them personally is also instructive to all of you, the library workers who work with horror readers. Understanding why 

First up is Robb Olson:
Robb Olson has been podcasting about books for over fifteen years, and is the host of The ARC Party - a podcast promoting books before they’re released, primarily in the horror genre. In addition to podcasting, Robb managed the tech team behind Tananarive Due’s live stream Scare Up The Vote, and her live stream promoting The Reformatory, and co-managed virtual panel programming for StokerCon 2026 & 2027. He is an active HWA member, and a three-time recipient of This Is Horror awards. He can be found on socials at @thearcparty, and his website www.thearcparty.com

I first met Robb on the Queen Mary in Long Beach, CA during StokerCon 2017, despite the fact that we live in the same metro area. We have stayed friends ever since. And you have probably heard/seen me, Robb, and Emily Hughes on his ARC Party podcasts doing our 2x a year Horror Previews. You can watch all of them-- going back to 2024-- here.

Robb is a great human, a book lover, and as you will see below, a cancer survivor. He understands horror, he recommends books to others to help them get through hard times, and he is a reader....always a reader. 

Thank you to Robb for all you do to support horror and for sharing your personal Why I Love Horror story.

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Why I Love Horror

by Robb Olson


I don’t have many clear memories of Adam Corelli’s tenth birthday. Shooting bottle rockets into the driveway, eating pizza, other irresponsible 1980’s kids experiences. It’s mostly the moth-eaten memories you get when a thing happened four decades ago. 


One thing that I connect to with all five senses, viscerally, is the feeling I got when A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors was playing that night. All the kids were so thrilled to watch Freddy rip through a new batch of kids. I tried to tell myself it was okay. Tried to not make a big deal of it. I bet all of us were playing tough to some extent, but back then I knew I didn’t have what it takes to watch that movie, and I was convinced that for everyone else it was absolutely the pinnacle of their lives. Some transcendent experience that I was chickening out of. 


I was the kid in middle school who, when the other kids in my class wanted to go to the school bathroom to summon Bloody Mary, I bailed before they finished the final “Mary’.


So while the other kids at the party were gathered around the TV, screaming and laughing and probably hiding their eyes at the scary moments, I sat in the kitchen at the dining table where I could kind of hear but not see what was going on. Just a kid in the dark, too scared to join his friends, listening to a nightmare man do nightmare things.


Probably I imagined scenes far scarier than what was on the screen. My terrified imagination was fed scary music and dialogue, and created a bespoke trauma bomb in my head. I was my own worst enemy. 


When the movie finished, the rest of the kids had these licorice ropes that they used to recreate a scene in which Freddy had been skewered by rebar of some kind, and he pulled it out of himself and licked his blood off. The resilience of youth I guess. 


When I was that scared little kid, I thought horror was to be terrorized and terrified. All these decades later, horror to me is about the other side. Because if there’s a risk of dying, that means there’s hope for surviving. That is why I love horror. A hope for survival. If you think about it, all horror is composed of an impending threat and the possibility of overcoming. 


I can’t point to a specific movie or book or TV show that flipped me from that scared little boy in Adam’s Dad’s dining room to the horror lover I am today. I bet, as with most things, it was a gradual shift. Less an iceberg flipping in the water, and more a cruise ship lining up to dock in a port.


Consuming horror can be about connecting to something traumatic in your life. Seeing someone going through something that reflects your own experience can maybe help you feel less alone. It also gives you an opportunity to explore a fear you have in a safe way. If you’re reading a horror book and it’s just too much, you put it down and watch cat videos. Or possibly, you choose to watch all the vampire movies you can because you want to be ready for that day when a vampire comes knocking. Whatever your reason, horror can be a conduit to feeling more in control, safer, more prepared, or more connected to people. 


What all of these potential motivations have in common is that will to overcome, to endure, to survive. It’s a need to understand a thing, and understanding sometimes is the closest we can get to control.


The other day I was talking to Adam (of the infamous birthday party), who is in a wheelchair. He was telling me about someone he knows who had a horrible motorcycle accident and became paralyzed. That they were going through depression and anger about their life being permanently changed.


Of course I recommended a horror book. The Whistler by Nick Medina is about exactly this. The protagonist agonizes about the life they lost and curses their situation. Also, there’s something supernatural going on. A great story I recommend everyone reads, but for this friend of Adam’s, it could help him feel less alone, show him that life can keep moving forward, that there is a hope for survival. I must also acknowledge that not every life situation has a tidy analog waiting on the horror shelf, and even where there is, your mileage may vary, right?


One of the scariest times of my adult life was when I was going through chemotherapy, and I had to be admitted to the hospital with neutropenic fever, which is just a fancy way of saying I had no immune system and my body was not having it. Once I got moved from the ER to a private room in the oncology wing, I called my brother and had him go gather some things for me from my house, including Pearl, the novel by Josh Malerman. If I was going to be terrified in a hospital room, it was going to be on my own damn terms, thank you.


So today, the horror lover in me takes solace in the knowledge that I did survive that viewing of Dream Warriors all those years ago. I survived the echoing cries of “Bloody Mary!” as I retreated from the middle school bathroom. I survived that fever and made it out of that hospital room, made it through chemo, and I’m looking forward to five years of remission in December.

I didn’t have horror to show me that hope when I was ten, I found that later in life. Now, though, horror is my laboratory where I explore ideas and fears and tap into the scariest things in my life, stare them in their ugly monster eyes, and remind myself that I survived.