Review: I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus

Over the 48 hours of Christmas Eve through Christmas Day, I found time to read the humorous, heart-warming(ish) zombie holiday tale, I Saw Zombies Eating Santa Claus [Herein, ISZESC] by S.G. Browne.  I previously sang Browne’s praises for his Rom-Zom-Com Breathers back in 2009.

Browne’s holiday tale continues the story from Breathers, three years later, but you don’t have to have read Breathers to enjoy ISZESC. Our narrator, Andy the zombie, fills you in on everything you need to know throughout the novel.

Andy is still a smart, zombie who wishes he could just be accepted for who he has become, but as the story opens, he has been held against his will and experimented on at a zombie research facility for almost a year, and during that time he has thought a lot about the family he lost when he rose from the dead.  After escaping, Andy goes on a journey, dressed as Santa to help a young girl get the Christmas she deserves and to teach a few adults the true meaning of Christmas, all while leading a rag-tag group of zombie Santas and elves on a quest to free his zombie friends.

Yes a few people are eaten along the way, but there is also depth here.  Andy and his zombie friends have touching stories to share about their lost lives and their undead existence in the shadows. The holiday angle is also heart warming and fun, but as you can see from my description, it is also a little askew, so it may not be the holiday tale for everyone.

ISZESC is also a short, fast paced book at just over 200 pages. The pages fly by. It made for a terrific Christmas read for me.

Three Words That Describe This Book: comic horror, askew Christmas tale, zombies [seriously, if these few words don’t interest you, this book is not for you; if these words get you excited, read this book]

Readalikes: I have an extensive discussion of comic horror here, including key authors and titles to check out.

But if you want to read other askew holiday tales, I highly recommend Unholy Night by Seth Grahame-Smith which I reviewed here and The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore (one of my husband’s holiday favs).

Merry Christmas!

Reviews: Night Film and The Darkling

I read two not quite horror titles and recently reviewed them on RA for All.

Night Film by Marisha Pessl and The Darkling by R.B. Chesterton

Both, along with NOS4A2  and the dark fantasy debut The Golem and the Jinni, are all  making my best of 2013 list too.  It was a good year for dark books!

Happy Reading and Happy Holidays.

Review: The Tormentors

Some of you may have remembered when I had this post about my fellow librarian, Jack Phoenix, and his new novel with proceeds set to go to help battered women.  Click here for all the details.

I had not read the book by that point, but wanted to plug it since I knew it was for such a good cause.  Well today, Friday the 13th,  I am here to report on The Tormentors after having read it, and I am glad that I did.

Let’s start with the first rule of any good horror novel: you have to set up the atmosphere of unease right at the start.  Jack succeeds here and then some.  The opening chapter describes an older man being pursued by some evil force.  He is tormented so badly that when he is forced to halt by a police officer, he would rather kill himself than wait for the shadows to catch up to him.  And then in italics we get this to end the chapter after a harrowing first 3 pages:

“That was quite fun.”“Yes, but far too fleeting. This one didn’t last long.” “Nevertheless, his anguish was appetizing.” “Indeed. What shall we do now? On to the next?” “Patience, Sisters, we await our command.” “Perhaps the next will be even tastier.” 

We are  set up for some terrifying adventure now. I was intrigued, excited, and hopeful that Jack could make this awesome set up pay off.  He did.

What follows that opening chapter is a horror novel that understands the genre and uses its tropes and standards in a way that is not cliche, but rather, enhances the story and the horror fan’s enjoyment of the novel.

The plot follows the terrible marriage between Roderick and Elizabeth and in particular Rod’s descent into madness at the hands of a trio of evil demons (the ones talking in italics above). However, like all good horror novels, there is a supernatural evil equally matched by a human one engaged in an epic battle here.

Rod is an abusive husband, and an overall bad guy, but Phoenix manages to make him relatable enough, at first, so that we are compelled to keep reading and to see what will happen to him. As the story unfolds, it is Elizabeth who grows into our hero.  She is forced to confront evil head on and try to save herself and her daughter in the process. She is a typical horror hero herself as she is flawed [she married Rod for all the wrong reasons] but she must grow up and figure out who she is, what she needs, and fight the evil in her life along the way.

This is a fast paced novel that has you compulsively turning the pages.  Again, like the best books in the genre, Phoenix understands that after the initial anxiety inducing first scene you have to take a small step back and build up the terror, fear, and tension before allowing the last third of the book to unfold at a breakneck pace.

And, it has a traditional horror ending with the conflict resolved but the supernatural force moving on. Who will the trio stalk next?

By the way, that trio of evil monsters are vicious, and the book is bloody. But the overall message is positive because the demons will torment their victims until they confesses their sins.  Normally though the guilt of their sins, which is the force driving the monsters, is what ultimately kills the victim.

The writing here is impressive for a first novel.  As I have said, Phoenix is obviously a student of the genre and he used his knowledge as a starting off point.  It is a novel with a nod to horror’s traditions but without being rote or derivative.

And, the book’s proceeds go to help battered women, so you really can’t loose by grabbing a copy for yourself.

Three Words That Describe This Book: monsters, terrifying, madness

Readalikes: At times, Tormentors reminded me of the ghost stalking Jude Coyne in Joe Hill’s breakout debut, Heart-Shaped Box.  The whole idea of someone being tormented by a supernatural evil driven by its victim’s sins is a shared appeal here.

Phoenix’s writing style also reminded me of Bentley Little and Graham Masterton.  I would suggest anything by these men if you liked Tormentors.  All three write novels that move quickly, are generous with the blood and gore, juxtapose human and supernatural evil, and often deal with secrets.

If you liked the “driven into madness” angle, I also highly recommend Ghost Radio by Leopoldo Gout. However, please note, the pacing in Ghost Radio is much more methodical.

Goodreads Best Horror of the Year

Here is the link to the Goodreads users favorite horror books of 2013.

My Annual Library Journal Horror Column

Click here to see my Horror Gems for the Haunting Season column.

And don’t forget to check out the archive of my Original Horror Lists; the link is always in the right gutter of the blog.

2 Sentence Horror

Oh, I am such a liar.  I am already back.  But I couldn't pass this link up from Salon, 12 novelists write scary stories in only 2 sentences.

Pretty awesome.

31 Days of Horror: Day 31-- The Future of Horror

Today I want to end this year's blog-a-thon with a nod to the future of horror with a creepy story by my 11-year-old daughter, Sam. She wrote this story for school using a picture of an open window with a blowing curtain and an empty bed next to it as a prompt.  She was going to add a lot more “blood and guts” but decided that she liked the story the way it was.  For the record she got a 98% on the story with the only points being taken off for the ending being “too abrupt.” But as she said, “I wanted it that way.”

But before we get to the story,  I wanted to take a moment to thank you for following me all month. The horror blog is going to take a nap for at least 2 weeks, but you can always follow me every day on RA for All.

Take it away Sam....

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The Third Floor Bedroom

by Samantha

Lucy, Lucy are you awake?” called twelve year old Amy Lindholm to her six year old sister, who slept on the bottom bunk.

“Well if I’m talking to you, what do you think?” snorted Lucy.

“Just checking,” said Amy. 

She climbed down the wooden ladder to the floor and looked at Lucy, who was playing with her favorite doll, Dolly. Lucy glanced up at her, then went back to playing with her doll. “Don’t you want to get dressed and have breakfast?” said Amy, “It is the first day of summer vacation, after all.” 

“It is?!?!?” screamed the clueless child, a little too loudly. She jumped out of bed and ran downstairs as fast as a speeding bullet. 

“Here we go,” Amy muttered to herself.

After Amy had gotten dressed, she went downstairs. Lucy had already finished breakfast and was sitting, impatiently, at the table. “There you are!” said Susan Lindholm, “I thought your sister was going to explode from waiting for so long. I have something to tell you guys.” 

Amy sat down next to Lucy at the kitchen table, her eyes on her mom. “Do you remember your Great-Grandmother Cindy, the one who lives in the mansion?” The sisters nodded their heads. “Well... her husband has just passed away, so the whole family will be taking a month long vacation to her house to support her.” They groaned. “Now don’t be like that! Your father will take you fishing. It will be lots of fun! We are leaving tomorrow at noon, so pack your bags by that time.” 

Amy was boiling mad inside, but she didn’t want to hurt her mother’s feelings. “Sounds like fun!” she said feebly. Amy’s summer was ruined! 

The next day the whole family piled into the car and hit the road for the three hour drive. Amy was bored. Between her sister complaining she had to go to the bathroom, and the seemingly endless highway, Amy had nothing to do. But eventually, the movement of the car lulled her frustrated body into a deep sleep.

“Amy dear, we’re here, we’re here!” her dad’s reassuring voice whispered to her. She sat up groggily, and looked around. An incredibly frail looking woman was hugging her exasperated sister on the front porch of a HUGE house. It had turrets on either side, and was AT LEAST four stories tall. There was a man on the porch too, along with her mother and father, who had just left the car. Amy climbed out of the SUV and grabbed her bag from the trunk. Maybe, just maybe, she might’ve been wrong about this place. 

After an overly long greeting from her great-grandma that consisted of the usual (“My you're getting big, I haven’t seen you in ages, Make yourself at home”), Amy went inside with Lucy and went upstairs to choose her bedroom. They looked in all the rooms, but they didn’t like any of them. The bedrooms all looked the same, with peeling wallpaper, rusty radiators, and beds with pillows that appeared to be made of bricks. Then on the third floor, a room caught their eye. It was small, but humble with an open window and lace curtains that were waving around in the warm summer breeze. But the highlight of the room was the king-sized canopy bed. They had made their decision. 

Amy and Lucy left their bags on the bed and walked downstairs to let their Great-Grandma know where they were sleeping. Expecting her to not care, they got a surprising reaction. “I’m sorry my dears, you can sleep in any other room, but that one. Don’t ask, just follow your elder’s advice,” she said with a wink. The sisters left the room, disappointed.

The man they had seen earlier was a butler, and he helped them carry their things to the room across the hall. This room had a clunky looking bed, but also had a bookcase filled with many interesting books, which Amy found intriguing. After they put their clothes away, the girls started discussing a plan.

That night, after a disgusting dinner of leftover takeout Chinese food that their mom had made them eat so as “not be rude”, the sisters lay in bed, exhausted. Amy and Lucy lay there awake until midnight, which was when their parents lights turned off, signaling that they were asleep. They were ready to bring their plan into action.

“The coast is clear,” whispered Amy.

“Got it”, said Lucy.

They climbed out of bed and, walking on their tiptoes, across the hall into the other room. They made it all the way to the canopy bed, but hesitated, both thinking the same thing.

“Why do you think Grandma didn’t want us to sleep in this bed?” said Amy

“Eh, probably just some made up ghost story that got her frightened of it,” said Lucy. They climbed into bed and fell asleep, the unusually cold wind for the middle of June howling through the still open window.

At precisely 3:13 am, they were punished for disobeying their Great-Grandmother Cindy. The wind blew in and picked them up out of the bed and flung them out the open window. As she fell, Amy screamed “I’m Sorry!!!!!” but her voice abruptly stopped without the mysterious force caring at all.

The next morning, their mother was getting worried about them. It was 12:00 pm and Amy and Lucy STILL hadn’t come out of their room. Becoming more and more stressed out, Susan Lindholm walked up the steps to where she thought the sisters had slept. She opened the door, and they were nowhere in sight. Searching all over for her daughters, she went to the room across the hall, thinking they may have snuck in. Before she opened the door, Susan got ready to scream at them, but they weren’t in there either! She went over to close the window, when  she saw the two deep holes shaped like humans in the red clay dirt on the ground below. One was of a taller child, and one was of someone younger. Susan screamed and ran downstairs. She was mortified!

When Susan got down to the kitchen, where Great-Grandma Cindy was cooking breakfast, she shrieked “Amy and Lucy fell out of the window of the third floor bedroom and died!” Susan then dropped unconscious on the floor. The Great-Grandmother then said, as if Susan could hear her, “If they disobeyed me its their own fault. But they WERE such good daughters. Its a shame, it really is. And to think it all started when somebody left the window open.”